Sleep deprived, adrenaline depleted and hungover - the perfect invitation for the FEAR monster to enter my head.
Intellectually, I absolutely understand and believe in the concept that I as an individual must never waver from belief in myself, in being myself and not backing away from that. In having a strong conviction in who I am and in my gifts.
But put someone in front of me where I let my walls down with and allow myself to feel, then suddenly up POPS the invitation to the FEAR monster. And in it waltzes to me head.
Today it waltzed on in and made itself right at home, fortunately this time I went to my tool box and pulled out the reality check list.
1. Understanding I am hungover, tired and extremely exhausted from some beautiful amazing emotional stimulation
2. I could see I allowed myself to feel hope, feelings and an expectation
3. I could see myself over think and over worry
So I picked up the phone and called my mother and she gave me some great advice. "Don't stop what you are doing" she said. "continue to enjoy your life, enjoy meeting new people and getting to know yourself around other people"
And then another call came in at the same time, friends inviting me to coffee. Suddenly a few shifts in my head allowed the direction of my thoughts to change. I was able to share my fear with my mum and friends and they all came back with the same advice. .."OWN IT"
Own the moment, rejoice in who I am, in my openness, my affection, my loving, my joy for life, my gratitude.
Don't fear who I am. Don't change what feels good and don't fear what I may have or have not done in error. Just accept and look forward smiling.
So today I sat here and panicked. I've spent this weekend opening myself up to a lovely man and suddenly we are both feeling feelings and I am panicking. I allowed myself to panic about....
Hang on .. about what ? Why am I feeling fear, why have I allowed the Fear Monster to just strut right into my head.??
It is time I sat here and said - that was lovely this weekend, but today is Sunday, Coffee with friends was lovely and sitting here with my dogs is lovely and having my mum come visit is going to be lovely and life is lovely.
And I am lovely.I am lovely. I am warm, loving, affectionate, youthful, spontaneous, beautiful, blessed with a beautiful family, dogs, friends, animals, home, job. I am a very special woman, and I am a gift and blessing to those that have me in their life.
I know what I want, I know what my year needs and my life needs. It needs me to OWN my own head and not invite or allow the Fear monster in my head. So this story is for anyone that forgets to do this. Who experiences that monster. Take charge, take positive affirmations and assert them. And look around you, there is love for you everywhere. Let it in and have faith.It is hard, just don't give up.